I've experienced 17 Christmasses in my life, but only 11 of them were experienced after I learned to read. Ever since the age of 6 I have read the standard Christmas card sent out by families all across America, so many of the same gingerbread-cookie-cutter, dry things that only vary in the amount of detail (either lack of or way too much).
So when my mom came to me with the task of writing the family letter the words came easily, a quick introduction (always including the phrase: wow, that year went by fast!!!), a quick sentence on each of the children's years (skipping over any difficulties or bad grades), and a quick trip to the post office for snowmen draped envelopes and enough stamps to mail an army tank.
As my adoring fans (that's you!) know, I loathe the status quo, so I threw out the normal letter and changed the letters format. The results are below.
Merry Christmas 2007
Also Known As; “Now Doug is writing the Christmas letter”
Hello and welcome to the Graham Family Christmas Card, I hope you like the pretty picture that we (hopefully) provided, I hope that the contents of this letter can live up to the quality of that photograph, but, given the inappropriate amount of commas, I doubt it. Don't worry though, the rest of the letter will be done interview style with me and my fans (that's you, the reader) getting to know my family as only an aspiring journalist can.
The year of David Graham...
Doug Tinker Graham (DTG): Thank you for agreeing to do this interview dad, I know your free time has been shortened due too certain changes in work schedules. Could you explain these changes?
David Arthur Graham (DAG): No longer do I take the train to Chicago at 6:00 to work from 7 till 3, now I work in Aurora, IL which has added 15 minutes to the train ride. I also start about an hour later, but the rumor is that I might get to work from home soon, and that would be a 0 minute train ride.
DTG: Will this work change your hobbies?
DAG: I still like playing my guitar and singing and raising two wonderful kids
The year of Lise Graham...
DTG: So sister of mine, why haven't you been able to do all the things you wanted to do yet?
Lise Marian Graham (LG): Could you please rephrase the question?
DTG: Look, just tell me what you did this year.
LG: Well, I graduated 8th grade, went to Honey Rock Camp for 3 weeks, started high school, made the musical as a freshman, joined freshman mixed chorus, was cast in a play (The Christmas Carol), and joined the school theatre board. That's it.
DTG: That is quite a lot, do any one of these events stick of from the others?
LG: Actually two, Honey Rock because of all the friends I made there, and the experiences that helped my social and spiritual growth. Also, being cast in “Man of La Mancha” exposed me to many talented upper class man whose helpful guidance through my first musical has inspired a love of theatre.
The year of Nancy Graham...
DTG: Hi Mom, thank you for letting me write the Christmas letter this year.
Nancy Ellen Graham (NEG): Are you kidding? All you've done is the first three sentences!
DTG: But Mom this is helping me with my interviewing skills, lets just get this over with really fast. Okay first question: What has been the highlights of 2007?
NG: Defiantly my trip to Miami with Jean to cheer on her two sisters and the then-Super Bowl-hopeful Chicago Bears. Then in May I went on a great trip to North Carolina to meet up with friends who I hadn't seen in 20-plus years. After our usual great family vacation to Northern Wisconsin your father and I having our 25 year wedding anniversary in Galena, IL where we honeymooned a quarter century ago(wow-that makes it seem like a really long time ago!)Okay, now get the letter done, its already late!
The year of Doug Graham.... can be learned about if you go to my website (dougtgraham.com). I started the site in May and have been uploading my prose there ever since. I also use it as a place to get in contact with colleges, so they can get a better idea of how far along my writing ability is. Oh no, now the letter is over! Thank you for reading the whole thing! Pray for Peace, and while we're praying, pray for the elimination of ignorance, pride, self-destructive behavoir, and gravity!